(The following was submitted by Melissa Archibald, Temperance, Michigan, and it concerns the Hamler Cornet Band, to which her G-G-Grandfather, Enos O. Jones (b: 1861), belonged)
In Hamler town is a bunch of dry bones, known by the natives as Professor Kit Jones. As a Knight of the razor he’s a roaring success. And at blowing a wind stick he’s not a whit less. He’s a stirring young man but aback and alas it’s stirring the sugar in the depths of a glass.
Kit was lately employed at the Lelipsic street fair of the music to furnish his share of good air now every one knows that Kit has wheels not in his head but to work with his heels so he mounted his bike and hild him away to Leipsic with his wind stick to help the band play.
Kit scorched into town with his bicycle stood. Like a colored individual ducking into a coop to furlong a fat mullet. And the brave Leipsicites though used to strange scenes were not used to such sights. Said one man to his neighbor well don’t that beat fun said the neighbor it’s luck for him I’ve not got my gun.
Now Kit had expected his family to bring and between you and me ’twas the proper thin. But they arranged to follow the very next day and that is the reason Kits hair has turned gray. The worry and fretting while making things hum for the next day rolled round and his wife had not come.
The boys of the band are a kind hearted set and it grieved them sorely to see poor Kit fret. They couldn’t console him ’twas no use a trying and from lalad to bull drum they soon were all crying. Not a man in the band could well see the notes for tears wiped away with the tails of their coats.
His family came upon the third day and soon the rain clouds had all swept away then Kit so quiet and peaceful become and he played on his wind stick my wife has come. In truth he became so jolly and kind that he ate watermelon and shaved with the rind.
Should any one doubt the truth of this tale note the witnesses below such proof can not fail. To convince judge and jury the story is true yet theirs just one thing that the boys cant see through. What was it kept Kit from getting quite sick from the paint he sucked off from old wind stick.
Witnesses
Gribble, Franklin and Cramer, who the Treble horns blow, Hill and Krater and Reams wind jammers you know, Roberts and Devenport the bass section two, who blowed on horns the wind couldn’t blow, through Young and Avers who found the calfskin and mama who says when to stop and when not to begin.
The Oath
We each of us swear by bar staff and oath this tale is as true one as ever was wrote. Of the man from Hamler by name Kit Jones, who will never allow fat to wear out his bones. May he enjoy a long useful life, and share all his joys with his excellent wife.
B.M.M.
